Cat - Things I wasn't prepared for

• Random fifteen minutes of complete freak-outs that can't ever be stopped, only waited out. 
• "You've moved, therefore you are awake, if you don't get up immediately to feed me and play with me I will claw at the soles your feet" -5:30 AM
• "I will not eat this unless you hand-feed it to me"
• "You are eating my fish" -on principle, whenever I am eating fish. 
• "I accidentally rolled off this table in an embarrassing manner and it is your fault because you were in the same room"
• "I am really enjoying you petting me [purrs] perhaps now would be a good time to SCRATCH OUT YOUR EYES"
• "The soil in this pot of herbs would look much better on the floor of your kitchen." -4:30 AM
• "Yum, human hair."
• "I lost interest in chasing that ball and you walked away to do some work so now I'm whining as loudly as possible because how dare you" - a Memoir
• "Were you reading that?"
• "Let me write this important mail for you. With my paws."
• Other people - strategies to alienate and/or kill strangers.