In Love Forever - Please go home.

In Love Forever: 1x07.

 
Seven episodes into In Love Forever, and arguably Runch and Neen’s marriage has never been in a worse spot than it’s in now, even though they haven’t brought up the topic of divorce again. Neen has moved out and set very clear boundaries on the conditions of her return: Kingkamol needs to move out. Runch is not yet in a position to fulfil this demand because it would cross a boundary to throw her mother out of the house when she needs a roof over her head, even if even Runch, at this stage, must be aware to some extent that this whole situation is entirely manufactured, that there is nothing real that is keeping Kingkamol from moving back in with her husband. She knows her father well enough to realise that he hasn’t actually kicked his wife out of the house, but her entire childhood has programmed her to be a filial daughter, and it would go against everything that Kingkamol has put into her head to actively kick her out now. I’ve been thinking a lot about Runch as a character – how frustrating it is to watch her, the dynamic of a character who is struggling to make a firm decision she herself knows she must make. In a way, this frustration drives the entire plot of the show: it all hinges on Runch’s fence-sitting, on how deeply embedded her role as a mediator is, how hard it is for her to make decisions that would be, above all, for her own good, for her own happiness. It might be frustrating, but it’s also deeply realistic. It might have seemed like she already made a decision after realising her mother was setting her up with Meilin, that this was a breaking point that changed her perception of her mother. It was enough for her to voice her deep disappointment in seeing her childhood hero transformed into someone she could no longer idolise because of her actions against Neen. But it’s not quite that easy to unlearn patterns, to find the strength to do something as unthinkable as cutting off her mother for good, and Kingkamol knows her daughter well enough to play her in exactly the way that would work the best. I think going into this separation from Neen, Runch genuinely thought that her mother had changed and made amends. From everything she has seen, Neen is the one who remained resistant against her mother-in-law who had apologised, who had made an effort to live together peacefully. She hasn’t seen the side of Kingkamol that openly admitted to Neen that this is all a front, a campaign against her. She hasn’t yet realised how manipulative her mother is, and the most interesting twist in this episode is that Runch ultimately asks Neen’s help not because she is building a case against her mother in some public forum, but because she knows that she ultimately needs this proof for herself: to see with her own eyes what her mother is capable of so she can solve the conundrum in her head, to help her act, to find the resolve. It’s the bravest Runch has ever been, making that request, because she already knows what she will find and what decision she will have to make at the end of it, she is just working out how to get herself in a head-space where she can finally find her own freedom and happiness.

The opening scenes of the episode perfectly capture how little room Runch has for herself to rest or consider or act. Her mother is smothering in her attention and affection, taking up every minute of her time, trying to assert her control through constant phone calls, asking for constant reaffirmations of her love. At work, she calls again and again, regardless of how busy Runch is. When Runch doesn’t pick up, she calls the assistant, with no awareness or willingness to concede that Runch exists as a person in other spheres where she needs to be able to focus. It’s overbearing, destructive: and then there is no chance for relief, because when Runch returns home, her mother dramatically waits for her on the living room couch, again asking for reassurance and confirmation that she is still a devoted daughter. It’s done under the pretence of enjoying this time that they are spending together, the first time they are this close again after the marriage, but it looks like suffocation. There is nobody else at home to balance it out, Runch is by herself, she is no longer returning to a home that has her wife in it to provide the comfort she actually needs. I think there’s something in comparing this overwhelming display of affection without any actual care for what Runch needs in the moment with how Runch approaches her attempts to make up with Neen, which are also not what Neen needs or has asked for. It should look romantic from the outside, the endless supply of flowers and desserts she has delivered to the office, but Neen has told Runch what she needs and it’s the one thing she can’t give her, and the flowers and gifts no longer work. In fact, it has gotten bad enough, for the first time, that Neen doesn’t even keep up the pretence of their marriage in front of others. Her assistant is well-aware that things aren’t going well because she is the one who ends up with the desserts, and Neen tells Runch to stop in front of strangers in the lobby of her office, which feels like not even her father’s request of remaining publicly amicable until the restaurant opening is restraining her anymore from showing just how unhappy she is (and even that moment gets interrupted by a phone call from Kingkamol which Runch answers, because she has been conditioned to do so instantly, and it costs her when she doesn’t – remember the one time she didn’t, when her mother actually needed her, the kind of lesson that is impossible to unlearn and would pop up every time she sees her mum’s name come up on her phone). Ling plays Runch’s quiet desperation so incredibly well – she’s never loud in her performance of being trapped and desperate, but it’s always obvious in her face what a toll it takes that she can’t get out of this situation unless she does something she can’t bring herself to do yet.

Throughout all of this, there is also a clear sense that Kingkamol no longer has any boundaries when it comes to her actions. She has become truly unhinged – to a self-defeating extent, because it has made her incapable of realising that Runch still has limits that she can’t cross. This completely irrational decision to throw out her engagement ring is not just over the top, but also the needle that breaks the camel’s back: to Kingkamol, it’s the ultimate attempt to test how far her power goes, to see if her daughter would accept this symbolic destruction of her marriage. It’s testing who Runch would choose at a point in time where Kingkamol should realise that all it could do would give Runch the resolve to finally act against her. The engagement ring is a symbol of a marriage that Kingkamol detests, and she throws it away just as carelessly as she has been treating her daughter’s happiness, disregarding entirely the idea that Runch is deeply unhappy about the separation, that Neen is her source of comfort. It breaks Runch – she’s never looked more broken than when she goes through the trash desperately, ripping bags, outside their house, becoming more and more frantic. The fact that Kingkamol is so unrelenting when she admits to having thrown away the ring, shows no remorse (“Some things shouldn’t be kept if it pains everyone in the house.”), just proves how far gone she is in terms of understanding her daughter. She doesn’t even consider what the genuine answer would be if Runch was free to choose, and uninhibited by her childhood programming. I think that Runch in those days of separation is maybe an insight into the state of mind she was in when she met Neen that the show has only alluded to when she said she maybe wouldn’t have been able to go on, and it also shows that Kingkamol has never considered her daughter’s happiness beyond her, as a person. To Kingkamol, Runch only exists in relation to her, not as an individual. As an act, throwing away the ring is so base, so mean, that it removes the blinders from Runch’s eyes. It probably makes her reconsider everything she’s seen over the past week. It brings back her friend’s words about how far Kingkamol would be willing to go to achieve her goal. And it changes everything.

Runch asks Kingkamol to leave but she again refuses, apologises profusely, promises to do better. Runch realises she needs more confirmation to steel herself for what she needs to do, and asks Neen for help (and gets peppersprayed in the process, truly having a hell of week). It shows a lot of personal growth that Runch knows now what she needs to find the resolve to sever the ties between her and her mother (it also feels like a very lawyerly approach, collecting evidence to build a case just to prove something to herself). “I want us to team up and get my mum to show her true colours.” And boy is Neen ready for that challenge. She knows that nothing would gall her mother-in-law more than playing the devoted daughter perfectly (“I’ll never go against you. I love you mom, I love you so much.”), showing deference while Kingkamol knows that none of it is genuine, all of it is in act, from her perspective to fool Runch, since she doesn’t know about the plan. Kingkamol thinks she can corner Neen by asking her to cook a four-course meal for her friends on short notice, but again, in her desperation, she’s misjudged Neen and underestimated her and perhaps conveniently forgotten that her family runs a restaurant empire (she does like to forget that Neen works) – instead of publicly failing as a wife and devoted daughter-in-love, it just gives Neen a chance to showcase how perfect she is yet again in front of her friends, indirectly humiliating Kingkamol and making it impossible for her to paint her in a bad light, like she was setting up to do. It’s a way for Neen to “win” that is also specifically targeted at all of Kingkamol’s insecurities about class and money – Neen has won here because of her privilege and status, her connections, and there’s nothing that Kingkamol can counter with. Like in the earlier moment where Neen showed up her mother-in-law by lending her her credit card, it makes Kingkamol snap entirely: once Runch has left the room (deliberately, to allow just such a scene to unfold), she puts Neen’s hands round her throat, playacting an assault, but what she doesn’t know is that Runch has put up cameras everywhere and is watching from the bathroom, and returning having collected all the evidence she needs to make a firm decision. “I saw everything, I saw what you did. I can’t let you stay here anymore.” Kingkamol already knows she has lost when she attacks Neen and Runch forcefully stops her, telling her not to lay a finger on her: because Runch was the one who came up with the plan, not Neen.

From Neen’s perspective, and it’s so clear from her face, this is the moment when the greatest obstacle in their marriage has finally been resolved. Runch has seen her mother’s true colours and chosen Neen, and chosen herself, her own happiness. She knows how hard it is on Runch, how much it goes against everything she has been taught (“I know it must be difficult for you. If you want to talk or vent, I’m always here to listen.”) but Runch just seems relieved to finally have some peace and quiet, to have the source of her happiness back. Their little get-away is lovely but it also serves to show who Runch is, with the greatest burden in her life removed, free to choose herself. There is nothing that is forcing her to “serve” Neen, but these acts of service are what she does naturally, how she shows her love and devotion. It makes Kingkamol’s twisting of these actions even more unbearable because it’s so clear here that this is just who Runch is: someone happiest when she can grill and peel prawns for her wife, and see her happy. It’s also notable that this is such a simple way of creating a beautiful moment that doesn’t take that much money – it’s well within the means Runch may have had before she met Neen, just a simple tent and some fairy lights, a gentle mirror of how she proposed at the beach: not with luxury, but with beauty created from meaning. This is the first time that we’ve seen Neen drunk, and I think it’s significant because it’s the first time that she’s been allowed to let go, not tasked with looking after Runch, not forced to keep up her guard. They dance to the song in their hearts (mirroring, beautifully, Runch’s dream – “just listen to my heartbeat”), and then they finally have sex without distracting themselves from a conversation they should be having instead – it feels like the first time that they’re perfectly balanced, with nobody being seduced or swayed, just so much desire and affection in both of their faces.

Unfortunately, Kingkamol has been given the unlikeliest opportunity to cause more damage. A dead-call from a television show that wants to invite her to talk on the topic of sexual diversity, as the mother of a daughter who has gotten married to a woman, and she immediately finds the most devious way to cause damage, victimising herself in the interview: as someone who may not be perfect but did her best to accept her daughter. She knows exactly how to twist the situation to destroy Neen in this public forum, to gain sympathy as the mother who loves her daughter so much, who has such genuine concern about her (“I just want you to have an easy life where you don’t have to sacrifice anything”). “If love makes you turn against your family I have no choice but to leave you alone and hope that one day you’ll understand how a mother feels.” She says what she would tell Neen is that “loving someone shouldn’t come at the cost of breaking a mother’s heart”.

The flashback in this episode serves as an explanation of sorts for why this television show would have approached Kingkamol in the first place, because it feels so out of the blue otherwise. Apparently Neen and Runch’s wedding was public enough that they were interviewed after about their love for one another. During the photo-shoot for the interview, Neen asks Runch to promise her that she can always stand by her side when she’s tired, that they will always be each other’s home. And then she explains exactly why she loves Runch so much later:

Runch is someone who makes me feel like I don’t have to try to be anyone. Normally I’m the type to overthink and imagine things, wondering if I’m good enough, But when I’m with her, she makes me feel like I don’t have to be capable or strong, and I don’t have to feel okay all the time. As long as I’m me, she’ll always be by my side. Plus, Runch is the kind of person who even if the whole world was against me, without asking questions. It just feels so secure to have someone who you can take a rest with, cry with, and dream of a future with.

Random notes:

I’m just taking notes of Kingkamol’s escalating willingness to use something close to physical violence here – the way she tries to pull Runch away from the bins is not gentle, nor is how she shakes Runch, and she’s been forceful before, showing what she’s capable off when she feels cornered and furious.

The pepperspraying scene is so funny because Runch is already so broken down that this is like the last straw, but I’m guessing it’s setting up a situation where Neen will be less cautious next time someone approaches her in a parking garage, which will become relevant plot-wise soon.

The over-the-top Pocky kiss Kingkamol walks in on is hilarious in the context of GL in a way that is hard to explain. It’s so over-the-top. IYKYK.

There is a lot of symbolism in the tide carrying away the sandcastle that Neen builds, the “house for the just the two of us”, and Runch promising that they can build a new one together – minutes before we see the relentless tide, Kingkamol, being given a new opportunity to erode her daughter’s marriage.

And talking about symbolism, the post-wedding interview with them comes with some unfortunate visuals, like putting Neen in that high-backed chair while Runch is on a regular one, making it seem like Neen is above her, visually: it’s a reminder, just like that Kingkamol’s interview, how the perception of the viewer can be (deliberately or accidentally) guided to conclusions that are inaccurate. 

Das Lied zum Sonntag

Rachika Nayar feat maria bc - Heaven Come Crashing (on Heaven Come Crashing)

 

Reading List: July.

Non-Fiction: 

 

Maggie Haberman, Jonathan Swan: Regime Change. Inside the Imperial Presidency of Donald Trump. 

 

Fiction: 

 

Gabrielle Korn: Long Island Girls.

Paul Tremblay: Dead But Dreaming of Electric Sheep. 

Sara Hinkley: The Red Sacrament. 

Megan Bontrager: The Sea Hides Its Dead.  

Films: 

 

Phanakngan Mai (Prod Rap Wai Phicharana) (2025, Nawapol Thamrongrattanarit).

Marama (2025, Taratoa Stappard). 

Hana Korea (2025, Frederik Sølberg). 

The Ex-idol, Stuck in Life, Decided to Live with a Complete Stranger (2023, Mayu Akiyama). 

 

Shows: 

 

Thanai Pisat, Season One. 

The Dark, Season One.

Stuff the British Stole, Season One, Two. 

Treasure and Dirt, Season One. 

 

Other: 

Digital Abyss @ Immersive Light and Art.

Automation Bias @ FUTUREJUICE.

Actress & Suzanne Ciani present Concrète Waves, Lucrecia Dalt, YHWH Nailgun, Hania Rani presents Chilling Bambino @ Unsound Adelaide.

Favourite Books I've Read This Year (in progress)

Non-Fiction: 

 

Thak Chaloemtiarana: Read till it shatters: Nationalism and identity in modern Thai literature.  

 

Fiction: 

 

Han Kang: Human Acts 

Kylie Lee Baker: Japanese Gothic 

Ellis Avery: The Teahouse Fire 

Jade Song: I Love You Don't Die

Paul Tremblay: Dead But Dreaming of Electric Sheep

 

I started this year reading Han Kang's work for the first time: The Vegetarian, Human Acts, and We Do Not Part in succession. I went into them knowing very little about what to expect and with an embarrassing lack of knowledge about Korean history. Human Acts is set during the May 1980 Gwangju democratisation uprising, when the military brutally suppressed student protests against the military coup of Chun Doo-hwan. It is told from different point of views of people who died during the uprising and those who are confronting the grief of losing loved ones and are finding ways to remember them. 

 

Ellis Avery's The Teahouse Fire is set in Japan during a time of radical change, when the country has been forcefully opened to Westerners for the first time. Its main character is Aurelia, a French-American girl who arrives in Kyoto with her uncle, a pastor, after the death of her mother, but runs away from him after a fire. She ends up becoming part of a Japanese household - the most beautiful parts of the book are about how she learns language and the richly described culture (which is shifting due to outside influence) as she tries to fit in - and her complicated relationship (filled with much queer yearning) with Yukako, the woman who leads the household. 

 

Politico: Trump’s Attack on Venezuela Could Change the World. Here’s How, January 4, 2026.

The Guardian: US attack on Greenland would mean end of Nato, says Danish PM, January 6, 2026.

Ars Technica: Trump withdraws US from world’s most important climate treaty, January 9, 2026. 

The New Yorker: What Makes the Iranian Protests Different This Time, January 10, 2026. 

Xtra*: Renee Nicole Good’s queerness isn’t an aside—it’s a key part of her story, January 13, 2026. 

Liberal Currents: So, How’s the Occupation Going for You?, January 14, 2026. 

Newsweek: Germany, Other NATO Allies Sending Troops to Greenland Amid Trump Threats, January 14, 2026. 

Rick Morton: The Great Silencing, January 15, 2026. 

Compass: An ‘almost revolutionary’ moment for Iran, January 16, 2026. 

World Economic Forum: Davos 2026: Special address by Mark Carney, Prime Minister of Canada, January 20, 2026. 

Al Jazeera: Public opinion shifts on ICE as advocates warn of US ‘inflection point’, January 21, 2026. 

Vanity Fair: “The Homeland” Is War on America: The Blood-and-Soil Nationalism That Killed Renee Good and Alex Pretti, January 26, 2026. 

The New York Review: The Crime of Witness, February 2026 Issue.

Aeon: Between being and emptiness, February 5, 2026. 

The Verge: Reality is losing the deepfake war, February 6, 2026. 

BBC: What we know so far: Supreme Leader Khamenei killed, Trump says, as Iran launches retaliatory strikes, March 1, 2026. 

Al Jazeera: Under the shadow of the Iran war, Israel finds another way to punish Gaza, March 1, 2026.

The Interpreter: Iran’s threat to airline travel: The Gulf’s skies are now a chokepoint too, March 5, 2026. 

BBC: Russia, China and the US – the global winners and losers of the Iran war,  March 20, 2026.

The New York Review: Shenzhen Express, March 2026. 

The Straits Times: From wuxia games to AI-powered microdramas, China sharpens its soft power playbook, March 23, 2026. 

The Straits Times: Fuel shortages from Iran war threaten Asia’s biggest food staple, April 11, 2026. 

The Guardian: Viktor Orbán concedes defeat as opposition wins Hungarian election, April 13, 2026. 

Al Jazeera: As Iran crisis drags on, fears of global food catastrophe grow, April 21, 2026.

Aeon: Justice is geometric, April 21, 2026. 

The Handbasket: Elon Musk alone isn’t responsible for Belfast's racist pogrom, June 16, 2026.

The New York Review: Secondhand Memory, July 24, 2026. 

The New York Review: Close Calls, August 2026.  

In Love Forever - I know it’s fake.

In Love Forever: 1x06.

Six episodes in, this might be the happiest and most stable that we’ve seen Runch and Neen in their marriage. Runch is happiest when her little acts of service – bringing flowers, tea and cake to her wife in the office, for example – make Neen (and Neen’s assistant, who voices that Runch’s setting of standards makes it hard to find a partner of her own who measures up) smile. They’ve decided not to divorce, they are giving their marriage a second chance, and for now, they look like they’re living through a honeymoon period that showcases what they would be like without the malicious outside influence that has been haunting their marriage before it even began. Under the surface though, something much darker is happening: they are living in completely different realities, where Runch exists in the happy delusion that her mother has truly changed and is attempting to make up for her past transgressions, while Neen is convinced that Kingkamol is only pretending and is in fact executing a plan to drive a wedge between them yet again. Something about the happiness of their scenes together, when they are alone, co-existing with the loneliness of Neen being convinced that she is right but being unable to bring Runch along into this realisation, makes it even more heartbreaking: because Kingkamol has invaded their private sphere, lives in their house, is always there, meaning there’s nowhere to escape to anymore.

What makes the situation worse is that the viewers know that Neen is completely correct in her assessment of Kingkamol, even before she openly reveals that this is part of a devious plan, that she is still pursuing her ultimate goal of destroying the marriage. Neen knows that she can’t just tell Runch what is happening, that Runch won’t believe it until she has irrefutable proof – in the beginning of the episode, she gently probes her for suspicions and there are none. You could blame Runch for that naivete, but it must be such a seductive dream for her to have everything she wanted, to have the central conflict of her life seemingly resolved with Kingkamol finally apologising to Neen and, apparently, treating her with respect for the first time ever. Runch is not a character who will go into any interaction or personal relationship assuming the worst, in spite of all of her bad experiences with both her mother and with Att. Runch’s natural position is always seeking balance (to a fault), even when she should be making a firm decision, and so it is no wonder that she is enjoying what she thinks is a detente between her wife and her mother. At the same time, there’s something undeniably comical about her essentially turning into the “this is fine” dog in the meme while her house is burning down around her (but it’s very, very tragic for Neen). And what can Neen do, when Runch’s perception of her reality means that any retribution, any fighting back, would look like pettiness against someone who is trying to redeem herself? For someone whose nagging and insults started off as being fairly ineffective because they never hit where Neen could really hurt (the pain came from not being defended by her wife), this particular plan seems immaculately conceived to truly destroy Neen (and, because Neen is Runch’s happiness, Kingkamol’s daughter as well).

Neen’s family is so happy when they finally reveal that they have decided to stay married, it’s like an alternative universe in terms of what their marriage could be like if it was fully supported. This time, when Runch drinks with Neen’s dad and brother, it isn’t an act of small revenge on her, but a genuine celebration of them finally “being a real family” (but even then, Neen can’t join in because she knows she will have to drive them home because of Kingkamol). When they return home to find Kingkamol waiting up for them who blocks their way with so much fervour that her daughter not only finally speaks her mind a little bit (because she does speak up when she’s drunk) – “I’m all grown up now, I’m not a child” but also vomits on her. It leads to the most direct conversation that Neen and Kingkamol have had about their warring ideas about what Runch needs and should do: Neen says she doesn’t want to constrain Runch, that she is giving her the freedom to make her own choices. Kingkamol complains that Runch never used to get drunk when she lived with her and Neen says “Maybe she didn’t have the courage to live life the way she wanted yet.” It’s such a mature way to stand up against Kingkamol because ultimately this isn’t a fight about possessing Runch for Neen, but a struggle to give Runch the option to choose her own happiness, her own life, over an overbearing mother who insists that she still knows what’s good for her daughter and should have the right to choose for her. It’s freedom vs control, which makes it very clear who genuinely cares and who doesn’t really value her happiness – because to Kingkamol, her identity is so caught up in her daughter’s that she doesn’t see her as her own person, with her own thoughts and wishes. Neen even acknowledges in that conversation that she knows how much Kingkamol loves Runch (even if it is a deeply twisted love), but that she is the one who lives with her every day, because Runch has already chosen to share her life with her. 

Nothing that Neen will ever say to Kingkamol will change her mind though, and so she continues to terrorise their life together in every way possible. She vacuums the house in the morning to wake them up. She bullies her daughter into calling off a date night so she can cook for her, which leads to a hilarious competition between her and Neen that ends with two inedible overly salted dishes that Runch still has to bear with a smile because she’s trying to keep the peace. After Neen directly confronts Kingkamol over her intentions and gets confirmation that her suspicion was correct (“I’ll do whatever it takes to get you out of Runch’s life”), her behaviour escalates even more: she gossips with a neighbour about Neen not taking care of her wife, even inviting her into the house that isn’t hers. She buys trees to “ward off evil” (she’s still there, so clearly it’s not working), permanently changing a home that isn’t hers, literally planting her own roots in her daughter’s marriage, without asking anyone for permission. She records a fight she has with Neen to play it back to her daughter, making herself appear as the victim, the reasonable demure one, Neen as the aggressive and unforgiving daughter-in-law (and Runch never questions why her mother would be recording the conversation in the first place, it’s her friend overseas who points out to her how insane that is). And throughout, when Neen pleads with Runch to see through her mother, to at least question her motives, Runch remains steadfast in her conviction that her mother is being sincere. What breaks the camel’s back in the end is Neen overhearing the neighbours gossiping about her marriage when they go on an early-morning run – and it’s no wonder that this is what makes her snap in the end, because we know that Runch delights in the very acts of service that are being twisted into something ugly here, that this is how Runch expresses her love and that Neen lets her do it because she knows that it makes her happy. It’s malicious because it questions the very basis of their love for each other, while disregarding all the ways that Neen looks after Runch (and it’s perfect that it happens in an episode where Neen does so much to accommodate her). When Neen confronts Kingkamol at home, she doesn’t hold back, but in the scuffle that ensues, Runch ends up protecting her mother, raising her voice at Neen, and comforting her mother when Neen runs out of the house, exasperated. It’s the natural outcome of them existing in different realities, with Runch’s inability to see her mother for who she really is, even after what she tried to do with Meilin – and it’s bad enough that Neen moves back with her parents for now.

Natee, in France, talks some sense into her after the fact, and maybe part of Runch’s problem is that there are so few outside voices of reason in her life, that she is so isolated, that even this one person who seems to have a grasp of the situation is so far and so many time zones away. “Would my mum really go that far”, she still asks about a person who set up a whole other woman for her to marry instead of Neen while they were still married. Runch goes over to Neen’s house to apologise to the whole family, promising again that she is choosing Neen, but Neen, knowing she would probably give in the moment she opens the door, refuses to come back until Kingkamol has left (“I don’t want to hear your apologies. They’re nothing but words.”) And Runch, being who she is, still thinks she can walk the line somehow.

The flashback is still of a happy moment: this time, their wedding day, Runch happily saying, “And from this day forward, we’ll be each other’s wives forever.” Considering where we are at in the present time, it seems like a dark omen of what’s to come, in spite of their happiness that day. 

Random notes:

In another show, maybe it would be addressed how Runch unfailingly drinks until she’s drunk every time she touches alcohol, but I don’t think it’s going to happen here, it just coincidentally fits in well with the sense that she has depression and should, as said before, see a therapist.

It’s also interesting that Neen’s mum is the one refuting the idea of Runch ever cutting her mother off completely, because I thought that in Runch’s conversation with her dad in the previous episode, that’s exactly the option she deep-down knew she would eventually have to choose before Kingkamol’s miraculous and fake change of mind later on. It doesn’t seem to be unthinkable to her, just deeply uncomfortable and clearly a very last resort.

Kingkamol bringing a picture of herself and Runch and placing it in front of a wedding picture is next-level outrageous, such a clear symbolic act of disrespecting Neen, that it’s hard not to feel some kind of way about Runch not reprimanding her for it.

Director P’Jaew writing perfectly romantic ad copy for Whoop watches with this: “They’re watches. But they’re not meant to tell how much time has passed. Instead they’ll remind me that with every step I take, you’ll always be there with me.” 

In Love Forever – You are my home.

In Love Forever: 1x05.

In Love Forever’s fifth episode, almost halfway through the season, is a good point to think about the nature of apologies, as various forms of them take up the majority of the story here. What is a good apology? What’s a sincere one, one that can be believed? We’ve seen Runch apologise to Neen numerous times – sometimes, I would argue, almost reflexively, as if to ward off an argument that she knows is coming by taking the blame early, to avoid a worse outcome. Those previous apologies were sincere – Runch never wants to hurt Neen – but not really effective, because Runch didn’t know yet what she had to do to change things. Apologising to Neen for her mother’s behaviour again and again is pointless if there are no boundaries in place to keep Kingkamol from hurting her daughter-in-law, and in any case, Runch is apologising on behalf of someone else, someone who doesn’t even accept that she has done something wrong and has no intention of changing her behaviour. At the beginning of the episode, Runch is back to apologising (for her mother) after they return from the argument over Meilin, but this time, things are different: Neen isn’t emotional because she is upset with Runch, she has just witnessed her wife standing up for her, against her mother, with determination and conviction, for the first time. “You already protected me. You did it in front of your mum and everyone” she says, crying, looking vulnerable but also different from their previous fights, where she ultimately knew that nothing would change because Runch was in an impossible position. “It made me so happy that I was speechless”. It’s what she has wanted this whole time: for Runch to make a choice and to choose her (“Today I chose you. I chose our family. You are my home, Neen.”) – and it should change everything. It’s so sad for them that it only works for a little while, because they aren’t up against a rational opponent, but someone utterly determined to do whatever it takes to destroy their love for one another.

Runch puts her change of heart into words in another conversation with Natee, her overseas friend, the next day: she says that she wants to “protect someone for the first time in my life”, like the instinct to choose Neen over her mother outweighs the guilt and gratefulness she has for Kingkamol, and that she won’t divorce Neen. “I won’t go anywhere. I’ll keep staying with her until she chases me away herself”, which is a brave and true statement but also, secretly, a pretty dire prediction of what might happen in the future. The next time they’re at the brink of divorce, it might just be because Neen is the one who suggests it, but Runch at this stage seems so blissed out by the path that has opened to her because she has finally made a choice that it doesn’t yet occur to her what her mother is truly capable of when she’s backed into a corner.

Neen also processes what happened with her friends – and it’s interesting that these two conversations with people outside of the relationship bracket the conflict in this episode. Neen seems so happy, so relieved, that Runch stood up for her for the first time, and she says she realised that when she agreed to the divorce she was just being “snarky”, because sometimes Neen tends to think one thing and says another. One of her friends suggests that she has got her happy ending now, which is definitely not something any character should be saying halfway through the season of a show (but viewed from the escalation that will happen later, Neen’s little smile of hope will break your heart even more).

It should be immediately apparent to Runch how hard this process will be, even if she has now decided for herself how to proceed, when she goes over to her mother’s house to establish the boundaries she wants to put in place to protect her marriage. Kingkamol sees Runch’s presence alone as proof that nothing has changed, that her daughter is still as devoted to her as she wants her to be, and she immediately brings up Meilin again, as if all the things that Runch said to her last night had gone straight over her head (I giggled a bit at the deliberate use of a flashback here – the show uses these replays of scenes we’ve already seen very sparingly, they’re such a staple for GLs, but this one was used specifically to showcase how wild it is that Kingkamol would think she could brush this under the rug and just pick up where she left off). It makes Runch furious enough that she says the most determined words we’ve heard her speak yet: “mind your own business”. It only serves to play into Kingkamol’s perception that Neen is the problem because she has changed her daughter from the devoted, pliable child she used to be, to someone with a whole inner world and life that is now unreachable to her, instead of realising that this is just the nature of children growing up to become their own people. In a last-ditch effort, Runch kneels down in front of her mother to explain that she is grateful for everything that she has given to her, that she will continue to take care of her and her father. Then she pleads with her: “Please, don’t destroy our family, don’t hurt Neen, either with your words or your actions.” She is clearly stating her boundaries, and Kingkamol immediately and furiously crosses them, saying she hates Neen, that she would have prevented the marriage if she had known this would happen. Then she finishes it off by calling Runch “stupid” – again, after Runch, for the first time in her life, found the determination and bravery to stand up to her overbearing mother.
I don’t know if Runch went into this conversation expecting a different outcome or if it only served to confirm for her what she already suspected: that the only way out is a clean break and distance, because her mother will continue to disregard any attempt to protect Neen (it fits that the first time we meet her she is breaking an earlier boundary, when she just turns up at the gate of their house without calling first). Runch’s dad confirms it for her: “she’ll never change, don’t expect her to change, it’s a lost cause”. It’s so hard to hear Runch talk about how she idolised her mother when she was a child, how she was her hero, and how her perception of her has changed now. “I know what I have to do. I just don’t want to do it.” She’s grieving the loss of who she thought her mother was, and she knows that she can’t save her marriage without cutting Kingkamol out of her life.

I don’t think anything the show does could ever really justify Kingkamol’s actions, especially as they become more unhinged in the rest of this episode, but the flashbacks to Runch’s childhood show what she feels she is losing at least: the devotion of a child who thought the world of her, whose entire world turned around her, until she got married. It’s like she put all of her energy and hope and dreams into Runch without realising that Runch would eventually have to go off to live her own life, and now all that is left is a house filled to the brim with memorabilia of her daughter and a husband who doesn’t comprehend her actions. It’s not exactly an unhappy marriage, but an empty one, because Kingkamol has tended to Runch, and is still obsessed with only her, and her husband is kind of just there as a prop. It’s a stark contrast to Runch and Neen’s marriage which is filled with so much devotion, care, desire and love when it is free from Kingkamol’s influence: these two people are habituated to each other, but they don’t provide for each other emotionally. Apart from Runch, Kingkamol’s life is empty, her house is a shrine to a relationship that is broken, her marriage is unfulfilled with a husband who is, emotionally and maybe also physically, frequently far away. There’s a haunting quality to little Runch’s words echoing in Kingkamol’s mind: “I won’t leave you. I’ll always love you more than anyone. I promise.” It’s so obviously a promise that no parent should ever take so seriously to build an entire life on, and yet here the threat of it being broken sends Kingkamol into a spiral.

But back to apologies, with Meilin, who does a whole tour of them, meeting all the standards of a good one: she talks to Runch to clear the air and clarify that she never wanted to mess with her marriage. She goes to Neen, who seems reluctant to show too much of her feelings but also accepts her apology as sincere. Her final meeting with Kingkamol breaks the last straw as far as Kingkamol’s rationality is concerned: Meilin makes it clear as she can that she will not be anyone’s tool, especially not to break up a marriage, destroying any hope that Kingkamol had for this particular plan of attack. While Neen and Runch rebuild their relationship and reconfirm their devotion for each other, Kingkamol goes back to scheming.

The reconciliation scene is beautiful, visually reminiscent of all those flashbacks of them initially dating, with a care-free atmosphere of two people who feel like they’re falling in love with each other in a new way. They are going for a picnic, Neen rides on the back of Runch’s bike, they’re finally taking the time to have a full conversation instead of distracting themselves from it by falling into bed with each other.

Runch: You asked me who I’d choose between you and my mum. Will you stay by my side?
Neen: So we’re not getting divorced anymore, right?
Runch: No, we’re not.
Neen: We’ve been through a lot. We’ve given each other a chance. We’ve expected things and been let down over and over again. I hope this was the last time. I really want us to be happy together.
Runch: I want us to be happy together too.

It’s honest and direct and a new beginning, but it also comes with the kernel of discomfort from Neen’s warning about hoping that this was the last time: knowing Kingkamol, we can feel that it won’t be. And again the parallels in this show are so well-considered because the next morning, when Runch and Neen are in bed and Runch insists that there is no reason to wait for nighttime before they can have sex while slipping her hand under the cover, she is inadvertently replaying what happened in her dream: she’s wearing the same clothes, she’s taking control, she’s asking for what she wants, and, just like in the dream, a phone call interrupts them. It’s Runch’s dad for a change, but that doesn’t make it any less upsetting when the true extent of Kingkamol’s new unhinged phase is revealed. Her new plan, apparently, is to ruin her own marriage along with her daughter’s: skilfully, she’s baited her hapless husband into kind of saying to give him some space which is enough linguistic room to claim he has thrown her out of the house, as she works herself into a tantrum, packs her bags, and shows up at Runch’s gate unannounced, ready to move in.

It almost doesn’t succeed because Neen manages to stay calm as the antics play out and reasonably suggests that Kingkamol should be having a conversation with her husband, because “married couples should talk when there’s a problem” (a truth she has come to the very hard way). Here we arrive at the final apology of the episode, one that meets neither standard – it is not sincere, nor indicates a change of behaviour to prevent further injury. In a dramatic scene, Kingkamol goes to her knees in front of Neen, begging for her forgiveness, promising to treat her better and stay out of her business, working herself up into such a tantrum that she ends up fainting. Obviously, they can’t turn her away now, and so she moves in. In a second debrief with her friends later (that comes with very different emotions than the first one), Neen reveals that she is well-aware that this is another plot to destroy her marriage, and that she is going to war to prove it to Runch, who fully believes her mother is being genuine. “This isn’t just family drama, this is a war between a wife and a mother-in-law.”

In the flashback scene, we’ve moved to a year ago when Runch proposed to Neen in a beautiful scene set by the seaside, guiding Neen down a trail of seashells and rocks, finally presenting the ring to her in a seashell. I think it’s significant that the proposal itself already holds some sadness within it instead of just being joyful: Runch talks about the heaviness of her life, that she wouldn’t have wanted to keep going if she hadn’t met Neen. I feel like this show won’t have the time to explore what exactly Runch’s life was like before she met Neen but the hints of it are there to flesh out her character. We know from what Runch’s dad said that Kingkamol started her campaign against Neen when they were just dating (but the very structure of the flashbacks – only showing their happy moments – means we haven’t seen Kingkamol appear yet in the past), so it’s probably safe to assume that Neen would have some reservations here, that play out for a microsecond in her face before she says yes. 

Runch: I may not be a perfect woman. I have responsibilities. I have my own world that can feel heavy at times, but if you accept, I want you to be there by my side, in my world, on every good day and every difficult day. Will you marry me? Will you be my wife and my family?

Random notes:

The acting in that first scene is so good: they are both so vulnerable with each other, so soft. Runch is on her knees, kind of offering this determination that she has found, the choice she has made, to fix things, not even realising to start off with that Neen already knows and has just been waiting for this moment. The show hasn’t really made it explicit that Neen went into this whole thing thinking genuinely that Runch had stopped loving here but realised she was wrong through the last few episodes – they never really directly talked about it – but it’s clear that this could be a new beginning for them if only Kingkamol wasn’t this determined to destroy them.

It’s just a prop, but the Foundations of Weaving book that Runch brings to their picnic date made me think that maybe Neen’s question about what kind of life Runch envisions for herself, to be truly happy, would look a lot simpler than the one she has currently, and we can only hope that one day she gets to live it. Also, talking about props on this show, Kingkamol’s shrine to Runch is truly magnificently detailed (all the cards she’s ever written to her mother!), even if it just takes up a few seconds of actual screen time. 

Kingkamol moving in is played for laughs to start off with and the scene of Runch and Neen watching a horror film together, already freaked out (I love that Runch is the wussier one between them), to then have Kingkamol appear at their door in a black face mask to add to the horrors, is very, very funny: but it takes a lot of suspension of disbelief that Neen would be the one ending up sharing a bed with her mother-in-law. I’ll allow it if only for how funny Neen is when she pretends to sleep-talk where she gets to say all the things that propriety would normally forbid her, already set in her agenda to prove that Kingkamol is faking it all (“You think you can fool me by being nice”). Also Orm seems like she’s having an absolute blast in the scene. 

In Love Forever - Can I be yours forever?

In Love Forever: 1x04.

I’m just confirming that it’s not a dream. […] Waking up to see your face just makes me so happy.

If you hadn’t watched the previous episodes, if you didn’t know that Runch and Neen had together decided to get divorced, with a four-month waiting period imposed by Neen’s dad, you’d be forgiven for thinking that they are actually currently reliving their honeymoon. They are sharing a bed again, they have been sleeping together for three consecutive nights, as Runch reminds Neen, proudly smiling, neither of them even mentions the divorce that is looming over their heads, as if they’ve both forgotten about it. And “forgotten” is apt here, I think, because as in love as they are here, trapped in their shared marital glow, they’ve also clearly not spoken about if any of these developments affect their decision about the divorce. In Love Forever makes it clear what they have been doing instead of talking, which is very much the source of all their problems, but it’s hard not to fall into their little bubble – which they’ve managed to sustain somehow, since leaving the garden house – and believe that their love can outlast whatever challenges they’re about to face. Runch’s words, “my girl, my wife, mine”, Neen’s question, “Can I be yours forever” – it all sounds like renewed vows rather than an ending, with the “forever” doing all the heavy lifting for the conversation they are not having about whether or not they still believe in it. It would be infuriating, if it weren’t also so lovely, with all the stakes becoming obvious: this is what they are bound to lose, and it would scar them both irreparably.

The ticking time bomb that falls right into the other centre of Runch’s life shouldn’t be a surprise to her: of course Meilin would pop up here too, and it’s almost worse because she has the wide-eyed naivete of someone who isn’t deliberately setting out to ruin a marriage, but to instead get closer to her childhood crush and idol (who she believes, for all intents and purposes, to be single). She’s been hired by Neen’s uncle, who knows her studies advisor, and Runch has been tasked with training her – but of course the fact that they already know each other means that from the outside, the way they interact could be misinterpreted (and Meilin’s love-struck gaze doesn’t help). Att sees an opportunity to spread more malicious gossip in the office, where it falls on fertile ground (it’s funny that the coworkers immediately agree that Meilin has a crush on Runch, while I’m not really certain if Runch realises – again, she strikes me as the kind of person who’d be ignorant about, or at the very least wouldn’t take it seriously). When Meilin goes so far as to openly share with Att of all people that they’ve known each other since childhood, a clear plan starts to take shape in his mind.

The fallout is delayed for a bit, with Runch coming home to a romantically lit up home and Neen surprising her. I think that there’s is a clear difference between how the two of them are handling the situation in this episode: Runch, reassured by their newly discovered closeness, has more or less returned to what she normally does, without any changes in her actions, while Neen is making a deliberate effort to be more open and supportive after finding out that Runch struggles at work. Runch has kept her struggles a secret because she didn’t want to burden Neen, or was eager to uphold the image she had of her in her mind, but now she is experiencing what it means to share the burden with a supportive wife – my guess would be that Runch has always been the one to tend towards big gestures, but here Neen goes all out with the candles and the wine and the outfit, all of it tastefully arranged around their wedding photo, which should have been a prompt for a conversation (that is cut short by Runch taking off Neen’s clothes right there in the kitchen, a predictable outcome and maybe exactly what Neen expected but still, it’s a conversation they don’t have, continuing not to address the elephant in the room). It does subtly connect to Runch’s dream in the first episode – the part of their relationship where they fall into each other like this again and again is easy and comes naturally, “don’t talk”, but neither of them manages to approach the hard part.
I think Neen’s growth and change shows again when Att initially approaches her with the rumours, proudly showing off a picture he’s secretly taken that could easily be interpreted as Runch sitting a bit closer than she has to to someone who is just a new colleague. Instead of getting furious immediately, but maybe also concerned about what it would mean to show how upset she is in front of someone that she knows has been torturing Runch, she gives her wife the opportunity to explain – and if Runch felt more secure in herself and in her relationship, if her default position wasn’t to always try to manage situations herself to “protect” Neen (or to protect their precarious relationships from what she thinks Neen’s reaction would be), it would be a good moment to just come clean about everything in one go: that she has known Meilin since childhood, that this is the same woman her mother has been inviting over to meet with Runch. Instead, she only shares what she has to, deliberately controlling the conversation – an attempt doomed to fail because Neen already knows more than Runch is saying here (because Att told her they’ve known each other since childhood). By keeping secrets deliberately, she is causing suspicions that Neen would have otherwise never had (of all the problems they’ve had in their marriage, unfaithfulness wouldn’t even have entered her mind, I think). Neen is behaving more maturely, giving Runch the benefit of the doubt, allowing her to explain herself, but Runch is falling back into the old pattern that has caused the rift in their relationship. It opens everything up to misinterpretation and doubt, and combines catastrophically with Att’s intent to ruin Runch’s life (even though not even he could have orchestrated the perfect moment deliberately – Neen walking in as Meilin faints into Runch’s arms, a moment that obviously looks so bad that Runch immediately knows where her mind would go).

Runch: I didn’t want you to worry so I didn’t tell you.
Neen: So you decided what to tell or not to tell me? I always trusted you, but today you made me feel like you have a secret you don’t tell me about. I s there anything else you haven’t told me?
Runch: No. There’s absolutely nothing else.

Neen asks her so directly, giving her every opportunity to explain the full extent of the situation here, and Runch does not take it, in spite of the fact that Neen is so clearly only asking for honesty here so they can solve the situation together. Runch is so desperate to preserve the happiness and peace they’ve managed to find over the last few days that she doesn’t even realise how she’s dooming them – there’s no way that Neen won’t find out that this is the same woman Kingkamol wants as a new daughter-in-law. Runch is once again choosing to leave the bomb ticking for a later explosion – in her defence, she has limited resources to deal with anything right now, and she’s addressing things as they occur, but it’s hard to excuse her behaviour when it’s so clear already how it will blow up in her face, and how much it will hurt Neen when it does, in spite of her stated intention to spare her feelings. How can they reconcile when Runch’s insecurities keep putting everything in peril, when her lack of trust in herself translates into lack in trust in their relationship, in Neen?

The final reveal of what Runch has been keeping from Neen comes quickly: Kingkamol once again fakes being sick to get her daughter to meet up with Meilin (who has agreed to the meeting to address the fact that Runch has been married this whole time). Neen comes with her – both to support, I think, but also because it means that Runch can’t keep whatever is happening secret anymore. Before they arrive, Kingkamol has a truly insane conversation with Meilin about how in spite of her daughter being married, the marriage is failing, the marriage is soon going to end in divorce, to keep her on the line somehow, which is the exact moment when Runch and a very fired up Neen walk in – because how dare Kingkamol talk about divorce when she doesn’t even know yet that they are actually getting divorced, when she is actively lying to Meilin because she is recruiting her as her daughter’s mistress. You can see in Runch’s face that her house of cards is falling down, and they end up having a fight: Neen very clearly telling Runch that she is upset because Runch didn’t come clean when she was asked directly about it, and Runch adding to the damage by insisting that her mother wouldn’t do what they have just witnessed her doing very clearly (I think it’s also interesting that Neen knows Runch doesn’t have any feelings for Meilin but also instantly clocked that Meilin has feelings for Runch).

Neen: Your mum told that girl that we’re getting divorced, even when…. Well, we are getting divorced for real. But your mum doesn’t know that.
Runch: No one could ever replace you, Neen.

That little pause after “even when” is maybe one of the most heartbreaking moments in In Love Forever so far: it could contain so much. Even when we’re so in love, even when we’ve been fixing the relationship – but it remains unsaid, as Neen realises that they are still getting divorced, haven’t actually talked about not getting divorced, and are once again in the emotional place where a divorce seems like the better option, in spite of her trying so hard to fix things, in spite of her just having spent the last few days falling in love again with Runch. It’s like she wakes up from the daze that started at the garden house in that moment, coming back to reality. “This isn’t what lovers do to protect each other”, she says to Runch, even though she can’t come up with what exactly Runch has to do to fix it (“You’ll have to prove it”). And they’re back to sleeping in separate rooms.

The things that Runch attempts to do to fix things – the things that kind of worked in the past – fail. She makes breakfast and Neen refuses it. She tries to seduce Neen, and Neen, wobbly but determined, manages to walk away from it, even though it’s clearly a struggle to do so. They end up having to spend together because of Neen’s dad – another conveniently timed moment where the facade needs to be kept up for the public. Neen exerts a small amount of revenge on Runch by picking the most provocative outfit she can find, a backless dress, knowing that Runch will jealously note every single person who looks at her wife (“don’t play games with me”), but not even Neen can escape the appeal of Runch deciding not to answer another phone call from her mother (who for once genuinely needs help after falling in her home) and instead dancing with her wife.

Runch: Every couple is bound to have misunderstandings. What matters is whether they will still hold each other’s hands.

I think there’s a sense here that it has taken Runch this long to realise that she has to change something about the way she approaches the core issue in their relationship: her mother, that the other gestures aren’t enough, that in spite of them existing in their little bubble for a few nights, what she has to do to genuinely save the relationship is choose Neen over her mother and defend her marriage against what Kingkamol is trying to do to it. They leave the party after Neen picks up a phone call from Meilin on Runch’s phone about what happened to Kingkamol, and in the fight that ensues, Runch ends up standing up for Neen, telling her mother firmly that she does not have the right to speak to Neen like this (“It is because of you that Runch is rebelling against me”), that she has no right to replace her and make her feel less – and then they hold hands, with Runch following her own statement that this is what matters.

Runch: I married her. She is my family. You have to respect my decision. Mum, I won’t let anyone hurt my wife’s feelings. No one. Not even you, mum. Let’s go home.

It’s so significant that she is choosing to stand up for Neen in a moment where her mother is genuinely hurt, instead of softening to her, and Neen realises what it means. But we’ve seen that Kingkamol will never stop trying.

In the flashback, Runch and Neen, maybe about a year into dating, are spending time at a beach house, but it is incessantly raining outside. Neen is frustrated and sad to see her plans destroyed, but Runch suggests they could just spend their days and nights in the room, doing “something that won’t make you feel bored”. Maybe it’s the first time they say “I love you”. How long can they stay like this before Kingkamol starts interfering? 

Random notes:

Runch is having a bad episode here (truly human-disastering all over it), but Meilin is also having a very bad not good week: Att ends up being the person to tell her that Runch is already married, and she knows immediately that Kingkamol has been manipulating her feelings in such a cruel and deliberate way. The pathetic conversation they end up having later where Kingkamol explains that Runch is about to get divorced anyway is just the nail in the coffin, and yet she somehow still shows up when Kingkamol needs her.

File under surprising things you don’t expect people to say who are about to get divorced: “I love you more and more every day.” There isn’t an explicit recognition here that Runch never asked to get divorced because she fell out of love because that would mean talking about the divorce but do we think that Neen fully understands at this point, and it’s why she’s showing so much patience in this episode? 

Neen is really compelling in this episode because she doesn’t really explode until the little moment after Kingkamol’s fall: she’s contained and quietly sad for most of it, through all the little betrayals. I really like the small moment when they’re having lunch together after the fainting episode and both comment that they’ve lost weight, acknowledging the toll it’s taken on both of them, still trying to care for each other (Neen keeps showing up and gives Runch so many chances to fully explain, but she never takes the opportunity).

Kingkamol voices her precise concerns about the marriage here, about how Runch will have a better life if she divorces because she is so inferior to Neen, because she wants Runch to be admired for her own successes – all of this with meek interjections from her husband, who isn’t equipped to intervene in any meaningful way (he does give an accurate prediction of the future though: “Runch doesn’t talk much. She tolerates everything. But if one day she can’t take it anymore, she’ll run away so far you’ll never see her again.”) All of these ideas are clearly things she taught Runch to think as she raised her: that she must be successful on her own, at all costs, but also that her success means Kingkamol’s success as a mother. It’s just so unfortunate for Runch that she’s now existing at work with someone who feeds into these ideas, while it’s so clear from everything that Neen does that she doesn’t consider herself superior at all, and just considers whatever she has as something they share in equally (in short, Runch needs therapy).