Last Tango in Halifax - Are we kidding ourselves?

Last Tango in Halifax: 2x03.

Both Alan and Celia and Kate and Caroline had plenty of obstacles across to get to the point where they are now, married and living together in the same house respectively, but most of these burdens were external – Alan’s precarious health, Celia’s reaction when finding out about Caroline’s feelings – what they are facing now is the difficult process of figuring out what their future together will look like, how their individual ideas (and obligations) about how their lives should look fit together. Alan and Celia, at least for now, don’t really live together; they still consider the situation in Harrogate temporary, and are torn between the fact that Gillian needs her father’s help, now more than ever because of Raff’s still nameless newborn, that Caroline can’t afford the house without Celia’s contribution, and that both of them find the idea of having a place entirely of their own quite appealing. Whatever choice they make, someone inevitably is going to be hurt by the outcome. On the other hand, they’ve both spent years of their lives living mostly for someone else, not following their dreams, with Alan carrying Gillian (since she was a teenager, as we find out this episode) and Celia being trapped in a loveless marriage, so the new bungalow with the gorgeous view does seem like they something they both thoroughly deserve, and could afford if they disregarded the financial needs of their children. 

Kate and Caroline are living together, but while Caroline is still processing the fact that Kate wants a baby, Kate has been making plans for years now, long enough to be able to rattle off a long list of baby names (which is absolutely adorable and sad at the same time) when Celia asks her what name she’d pick, and to accidentally reveal, at least enough for Celia to ask Caroline about it, that she and Caroline are thinking of having one. It’s a complicated situation especially because Kate is so sure and determined, and Caroline isn’t, but they are both certain that they want to spend their lives together. 

At the same time, Caroline still seems hesitant to fully share her feelings with her mum, always assuming that Celia won’t like it if she talks about her life with Kate in detail, which I think is part of the reason why she articulates her thoughts differently to Celia than she does to Kate – it’s not that she isn’t honest with Kate, but that she frames things differently for her mum. When she tells her mum that the chances of Kate actually getting pregnant are minute, and that she intends to ask Kate to focus on her career, it sounds much harsher than when she actually does talk to Kate about it, and puts more focus on the fact that she’s worried about Kate will emotionally cope in case it doesn’t work out. 

Kate: What’s the matter?
Caroline: What’s the matter is that you’re gonna get pregnant possibly with someone else insofar that you can’t get pregnant with me, but beyond that it’s less fine. There are things that I haven’t… processed, yet. I assume I don’t need to spell them out.
[…] You do know that whatever way is kind of unlikely, don’t you?
Kate: I know the odds aren’t great, yet. I want to try though, Caroline, and I’m terrified of leaving it any longer.
Caroline: And what if it doesn’t happen?
Kate: I’ll deal with it.
Caroline: You’ll get upset.
Kate: Well… it’s better to try and fail again, before I give up for good, isn’t it.
Caroline: You’ve got a fantastic career, you’ll be the next head of languages, you will, no contest. You could be a deputy head in a few short years, you’ve got what it takes, Kate.
Kate: I want to be somebody’s mum.

All four of them are facing their challenges head-on and bravely, meanwhile John, without anything to anchor him, just stubbornly holds on to whatever is in his reach, and doesn’t run away quickly enough. The fact that he is writing a thinly-veiled account of what is happening in everyone’s lives, stealing stories that aren’t his to tell and adding his own bitter feelings about Caroline into the mix, is just another aspect of this – lacking any kind of imagination or drive of his own, he can’t help but feed off other people’s lives. Caroline’s take-down of him once she finds and reads his manuscript is hilarious. He is literally living off the people he’s surrounded by, both economically and in terms of his writing, and the way he’s been chasing Gillian is part of that as well, because he’s turned her into a fictional character in his novel, a fictional character that has been existing in his head way before he even started writing again (and from what Caroline reads of her description, the main point here is that she’s so unlike his wife), and he is now selfishly pursuing that version of her. “I still think about you all the time. I started writing again.” is supposed to sound romantic, that he’s made her the heroine in his novel, but in fact it’s the opposite, because he is using Gillian, and Gillian isn’t in any position to refuse him – because she doesn’t have the emotional maturity and constantly seeks out unhealthy relationships. 

Additionally, she feels cornered at the end of the episode. With Ellie running away, presumably because she’s overwhelmed by Raff asking her if they should marry (Alan indicates that they never were very serious), Flossie is now entirely Raff’s and Gillian’s responsibility, with help from Alan and Celia, and Raff is still thinking about leaving school and getting a job because he thinks that’s the responsible thing to do, and Celia, unintentionally, reveals to Robbie that Gillian had an abortion when she was fifteen – and Robbie realizes that this took place when they were seeing each other, and leaves.  Gillian is absolutely furious at Celia for telling Robbie, which is understandable, and Celia is very genuinely sorry, even though she had no way of knowing that this would be the outcome, but the main result, apart from Robbie leaving, is that Alan comes to a decision in the course of the following argument: he reflects on how his life has always been determined by what Gillian needed, and chooses to stop putting her first in every decision he makes. 

Gillian: God, I don’t recognize you anymore, looking at dozy big bungalows that you can’t afford. Chucking your money away on flashy cars that eat petrol and bugger up the environment, not wanting anyone there when you get wed, me, Raff, your mates, why? I mean that’s so not you. And, you know, I have to be frank, dad. I don’t like it. 

Alan: I’m aware of that. I’m increasingly aware of it. Do I tell you something, I’ve spent my life watching you go after unsuitable beggars, one after another, you know what me and my mother always used to say..

Gillian: Don’t you say stuff about my mum…

Alan: Oh Gillian, she always knows how to pick ‘em. Like it was funny, but it weren’t. And have I ever fallen out with you about it, ever? All the stupid stuff you did, all the bloody dozy stuff Eddie did? No, I were here, all the time, whenever you needed me. You know what I’m talking about, so don’t you dare. Don’t you dare say anything about Celia to me.

As hard as the fall-out between Gillian and Alan is (and as irreconcilable they seem – but then, Last Tango in Halifax is also a show about hope, while avoiding clichés), the argument actually ends up breaching the gap between Gillian and Caroline, and they have their first productive conversation since Gillian shared that she’d slept with John. 

Caroline: How is the baby ?
Gillian: It’s… it’s a baby.
Caroline: Yeah well, babies are, aren’t they?
Gillian: I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, Caroline, I don’t know which way’s up.
Caroline: You’re tired. I can hear it in your voice.
Gillian: I’m sorry I had a go at your mother, but conversely, on the other hand, I’m sorry she put me in a position where I had to.
Caroline: I know, I know, I do know, Gillian. I don’t suppose there’s anything I can do.
Gillian: Make excuses for me. Tell her I’m mental, hormonal, round the bloody bend.
Caroline: Will everything be alright with Robbie?
Lawrence: Which one’s Robbie?
[…]
Gillian: Is my dad alright?
Caroline: Yeah, yeah, I will keep an eye on him.
Gillian: I appreciate you ringing.
Caroline: Call me, anytime
Gillian: Thanks.
Caroline: Bye.

It’s a reminder of how they started before all of Gillian’s resentments, her inability to face the true reasons for her dad’s apprehension, ruined their relationship. But still, when John comes by and offers to help with the baby, she doesn’t turn him down – she tells him how Eddie died, and her part in it, except John is writing a novel in which she is the heroine and recklessly feeding off other people’s story, so it’s predictable where that’s headed. John is definitely fond of whatever he’s made up in his mind about her, but “do think we could… be good for each other.” should come with some kind of eerie and worry-inducing sound effect. 

At the same time that Gillian shares her past with John, Alan tells Celia, and finally not being the only person carrying that burden frees him. “Now we’re buying that bungalow and I’m putting all that behind me.”

Random notes: 

Celia was on fire this episode!

John: Hello Celia. 

Celia: Oh, I thought you’d moved out.

Celia: Gillian calls her Flossie, which to me you see is more what you’d call a King Charles Spaniel. Alan calls her Emily Jane, but that’s just so he can make it rhyme with stuff. Harry calls her fufu tinkerbell or something, but he’s an idiot.

Kate: The year 12 are doing King Lear tonight. 

Celia: That’ll be something to slit your wrists about.

Up to the anaphylactic shock, that couch scene between Kate and Caroline was lovely, especially because the second season hasn’t really shown them being intimate yet. Also Caroline is pretty amazing in a crisis, to no one’s surprise. 

John: You know people always think you’ve based characters on them and you haven’t.
Caroline: And can we leave Alison’s dusty negress right out of it, or Matthew Waterhouse will be getting his withering, shrivelling, starved to flight pink little bollocks right off.
John: Right, fine.
[…]
Caroline: A sullen sinewy forty something woman with the purposeful frame and character of a sixteen year old boy. Oh, mummy isn’t the only gay in the village. I’m sorry, I’m gonna have to ring Gillian.

The worst thing about John’s novel is that it would probably sell really well. 

Gillian: That was your auntie Caroline. But right now it’s just you and me kid.

In spite of the very serious conversation that followed, I giggled a little bit about the indication that Alan and Celia could spend the rest of their lives having luxurious lunches with wine if only their kids weren't dragging them down. 

Lawrence: Do you want to come around and watch Reservoir Dogs and get pissed and trash the place?

(is it okay to say that Lawrence is just plain terrible and not give him the benefit of the fact that a lot of teenagers sort of are and grow out of it?)

Kate asked Greg in a mail if he’d be on board and he is, and the problematic thing here is that Kate and Caroline are moving at completely different speeds (and in part I like this story, because it isn’t about whether either of them loves the other less – but also I’m just really invested in both their happiness).