Heimat

There is something about seeing all those places you went to as a child turning into vast construction sites that is very consistent with my life right now. Everything, every little part of it, forces me to think about this specific place in every sense of this word, and how I fit in, what my role is, where my limits are, and if probably I was never meant to stay and by simply doing that: staying, I have escaped something that was supposed to happen and now I am in a state of limbo with no idea at all where this might be going. I gathered as much about one and a half years ago but this must have started earlier. I've always had these periods of transitition, and I have never dealt with them very well, or maybe not at all. Like, not making any decisions and afterwards dealing with the results by saying "obviously this is the only thing my emotional limitations allowed me to do". Which is probably a lie. I swim really well if you just throw me in the water.