The Good Wife: 4x12 Je Ne Sais What?
In a unicorns and rainbows episode of The Good Wife, Elsbeth Tascioni, recent saviour of one monolingual Will Gardner, finds herself in trouble (can you imagine Elsbeth "attacking" someone in a parking garage though? We know what Kalinda attacking someone in a parking garage looks like, now just replace her with Elsbeth Tascioni, probably speaking loads and throwing some kind of elven powder at her opponent) and asks for help, and everybody comes to her rescue, because that's how it works, such is the nature of her power. While Alicia tries to get her transferred from the 'burbs to Chicago and represents her at a bond hearing against Geneva Pine, who serves a double purpose this episode just to get twice screwed over by both Florricks, Will (and eventually Diane, once it's revealed that second languages are his cryptonite, hahaha, stupid American failed by the education system) represent Elsbeth's client. The Olympic runner just lost a five million dollar contract with a shoe company because she's suspected of doping. What follows is a hilarious hearing in front of an international panel, according to Swiss law and only in English after Will admits that he doesn't speak any French (not even enough to understand the insults hurled towards him), that is eventually won because Kalinda discovers some kind of inconsinstency, as Kalinda does, and Elsbeth makes it out of the holding cell just in time to dramatically sprint down the track and scream, because Elsbeth Tascioni is better than anyone, and the fact that The Good Wife bore her and she totally fits in is one of the reasons why this show is so great.
Meanwhile, in what is secretly the grossest story TGW has ever told, Zach figures out that Maddie Hayward intends to use racial bias in the campaign, but Peter is a good guy, right, so what could possibly go wrong? He even asks his remaining black employee™ Geneva Pine for help! Who tells him that he is totally racially biased because he keeps firing employees who aren't white and promoting white employees who aren't really qualified, like Cary Agos once upon a time. He responds with the very expected "complete accident" argument, following in the footsteps of fellow privileged white person Lena Dunham, except Geneva also points out that he's just turned down to speak in front of the Minority's Rights Council, even though Maddie bothered to show up. So he delivers a speech there. A speech about how his office prosecutes more African Americans than any other "groups" and he wants to know "why" (racial bias perhaps?), that gets him booed off the stage but fellow-racist-pats on the back from editorials the day after, from the kind of people who always make a point of making air quotes when they say "political correctness". Eli is maybe grossed out but also too cynical too care, WonderJordan on the other hand is very openly grossed out, as are we, because how did Peter Florrick ever come so far without being called out on his bullshit, and still getting laid?
- Also, Maddie Hayward delivers a hilarious speech in front of a group of business MEN about how she's mostly a feminist whenever it suits her to be a feminist, just like the rest of us, and likes to make them money, like the good woman she is. They patronisingly laughed at her jokes, as they do (because she's comfortably not quite one of them, regardless of how hard she tries), and I guess Peter doesn't really have to worry anymore now that he has the racist Democrats segment locked?
- Hilariously, Elsbeth Tascioni failes the prep for a psych evaluation and then almost the evaluation itself because her mind is brilliant, and we watch how it works as the wheels and cogs turn and she digs up some piece of random information that applies here and solves the entire case, by realizing that the athlete in question wasn't doping but pregnant, and had an abortion. We all aspire to be her, we all fail.
- In the epic confrontation of the week, Alicia sends Kalinda to talk to Elsbeth about her trial notes and hilarity ensues, because these two couldn't be any more different, but are secretly totally similar! They hate depending on people, have incredible problem-solving minds, and are probably utterly terrifying in parking garage confrontations.
- I DON'T KNOW WHY I KNOW HALF THE THINGS I KNOW.
- Also in a great moment, Elsbeth hugged everyone before owning the panel, remarking that Diane's dress was really elegant. They're friends! Who pay each for services rendered!
Eli: We're here to win, when pretty, when ugly, it's still winning.
This fits in well with Alicia's arc, because this is what she's been told for seasons now, but it's not like anyone forced Peter to deliver this speech? I think he even wrote it himself, just to prove he can.
- Of course Elsbeth Tascioni will represent Eli. This was a really good way to acknowledge how serious the investigation is.
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