In Love Forever - I’m doing it because my heart chooses you.

In Love Forever: 1x12.

 

There’s something about the structure of this final episode of In Love Forever that really tickles me, that is so brilliantly constructed. We’ve spent eleven episodes watching Runch and Neen attempting to save their marriage until finally conceding that it was over, but now that they have reached the end of it, there is no acrimony, no shouting and screaming, no conflict at all, just sadness. At the same time, there is so much care, so much deliberateness in creating an ending for themselves that has meaning, that conveys all the things that haven’t been lost: most of all, they still love each other, they do not regret that they have gotten married and have spent that time together, they talk about it fondly. “You have me hope”. “Thank you for loving me so much that I felt like I matter. I never imagined I could mean so much to someone”. None of those words sound like things that you would normally hear from characters that are finalising a divorce, that are saying goodbye and wrapping up a life lived together, beginning a life lived alone. You can hear the tears in their voices even before they begin to fall. It’s deeply sentimental – even going back to the place where they first started, the cafe where Runch spilled her coffee and Neen lent her shirt – shows that this is an exercise in memorising their relationship for its meaning, the deep impact it has had on both of them. They are still the best part of each other’s lives and yet, the scene ends with Neen walking away, sobbing, with Runch pondering the engagement ring that Neen has returned to her, and a two-year period of time where they don’t see each other.

I think about Runch and Neen, unobserved in those two years, living their separate lives and changing in the process, and the process of reconstructing exactly how they have changed from how they appear after. There are hints about what happened: Later Neen will talk about the way that her empty days passed, getting up in the morning, going to work, going to sleep, rinse and repeat. Runch talks about her struggles in France, pursuing her degree, supported by her only friend Natee: the loneliness of a new country and the difficult course. Between the two, Runch has changed more: she hasn’t just lost Neen, but also severed the other major relationship in her life. This new version of Runch is the one she has built without the influence of her mother, with all of her choices being her own, just two years of becoming a person without being pushed towards any particular achievement or version of her life by Kingkamol. This is a version of Runch that no longer lives in a state of constant conflict, of being pulled in two opposite directions at all times while struggling with a work life that she isn’t even sure she really ever wanted in the first place: if there is ambition and drive, it’s her own, for herself, to become who she wants to be. There’s something glorious in seeing that change, a new assertiveness and certainty, a clear sense of happiness – but all of this, dampened by the unchangeable fact that she is still very much in love with Neen. When she is sitting at the Toulouse cafe with Natee, pondering an insta post of Neen with a famous actress, Natee goading her into speculating if Neen is dating someone, they both know already before she admits to it that Runch isn’t even considering dating someone new, or falling for someone else. It’s been two years, but her feelings for Neen hasn’t changed at all, and it’s like Natee already knows that they’ll find their way back to each other, just like Neen’s brother – teasing her about the actress, also knowing fully well she has no intentions or capacity to date her – knows she is still in love with her ex-wife. It feels like a true test of their feelings for each other – they haven’t paled at all during the separations, during their very different lives. The best that Runch’s friend and Neen’s brother can hope for, for the people they love, is that they manage to reunite.

Back in Bangkok for a month with the intention to finish her degree in France within the year, Runch meets up with her father – who tells her, happily and maybe also very intentionally, that he hast just run into Neen who still calls him “dad”, like no time has passed at all. It’s good to see that Runch still has a relationship with her father while apparently having cut off her mother completely to the extent that she knows nothing about her life except what he tells her. It’s a satisfying ending for Kingkamol, and one that Neen’s father predicted. Instead of having to go through the courts to get satisfaction, karma has indeed caught up with her. After getting scammed out of all her money, Runch’s parents have had to build a simpler life, and she has calmed down, and in spite of the struggles, Runch has not saved them financially from ruin, as Kingkamol expected from her daughter. With all of her class anxiety and fears of how Runch would measure up against Neen’s family’s wealth, she ended up being the one losing everything through carelessness and not expecting others to act as duplicitous as she has, gambling away every chance given to her to save herself.

How do we feel about the full-circle moment of Runch returning to the coffee shop – a place that must be filled with so many warring emotions for her, good and bad, deeply sentimental, deeply nostalgic, but also painful – and running into Neen there as if by accident? Did Neen follow her there? Has Neen been going there regularly, hoping to run into her (I think it’s implied that she doesn’t know Runch went overseas) or just reliving her feelings, her memories? Is it just a coincidence, fate? Whatever the right answer is, it doesn’t feel like either of them is genuinely surprised by it, like they both expected it would happen eventually, the same way that everyone in their lives is already guessing that they will eventually end up back together, since neither of them has moved on. This whole scene is a display of how much Runch has changed, like they almost switched places from their first meeting, when Runch was so timid and shy and overwhelmed: here she is assertive, knows exactly what she wants to happen, and seems to be fairly certain that going home with Neen at the end of it is a foregone conclusion. She doesn’t hold back – she starts the conversation by saying that she has missed her, she says, straight up, that she wants to come home to her place, to spend the night with her (“Can I?”). Neen is maybe surprised, because this is a new version of Runch, but she doesn’t seem exactly hesitant – it’s almost like they’ve both just been waiting for that moment, like there’s an inevitability to it almost.

There are all these little moments where, as much as their intimacy comes easy and their attraction to each other is so obvious, there are also hints that Runch is being very deliberate in showing that she has changed, because she knows that if this is going to work out, they have to start differently than they did last time. Where they used to fall into back with each other whenever there was any difficulty to overcome instead of discussing it, she suggests that they sit down and talk first (I doubt they would have gone to sleep in different rooms even if Runch hadn’t suggested a conversation first, with Neen just trying to keep up the pretence that she’s setting boundaries but not being very serious about enforcing them). All the things that Runch reveals here are loaded with subtext and meaning. When she says that she wants to return to Thailand after she finishes her degree, she’s saying that she will return to whatever relationship they are building here, that there are long-term prospects beyond the night they’re spending together. When she talks about her now severed relationship with Kingkamol, she’s revealing that the biggest obstacle to their happiness is gone now, and also that she has found the strength to do something she’s struggled so much with during their marriage. When Neen asks her if moving to France has been hard, she gives an honest answer about her struggles instead of pretending that everything is okay, like she used to, sharing her difficulties instead of bearing them alone. Every sentence serves to reassure Neen about how serious she is, and it’s only then that Neen responds to Runch’s “I missed you” with “I really missed you too”. Runch is deliberately building a foundation before she leans in to kiss Neen.

The morning after, it’s like Neen is waking up to a dream, with Runch next to her. She reaches out and almost touches her to make sure she’s real before stopping herself and collecting herself to go to work, maybe steeling herself to not concede too much too early. But Runch doesn’t let her build up any barriers, she’s already asking to marry her again after just this one night, like no time has passed at all, and there’s such a seductiveness to their easy intimacy with each other, picking up right where they left off without any awkwardness.

Runch: I didn’t tell you last night, that I still love you. I never stopped loving you. I’ve always loved you just the same.

They spend the rest of the month in their shared house which Neen’s dad conveniently hasn’t sold yet, holed up in bed together, deciding to date each other again for now. Then Runch returns to France and Neen flies back and forth every month, eventually acting suspicious enough for her friends to pick up on the fact that her new girlfriend is her old wife. This period spent together is like a reversal of how they used to date before: almost in defiance of the burden that Kingkamol put on them who was always hanging like a dark cloud over them, with the flashbacks always containing a little kernel of doubt and hesitation, of things unsaid even in their happiest moments. They are building a relationship without these burdens, these interruptions, and three years after their divorce, when Runch has returned to Thailand to work as a professor (including the obligatory professor glasses that are arguably pure fanservice), Neen has changed too: into a softer version of herself, allowing herself to indulge Runch in ways that she didn’t when it was Kingkamol who was trying to force her into her image of a good daughter-in-law. Neen now cooks for Runch purely out of enjoyment to see her savour something she’s prepared for her, not to find into a preconceived mould. It’s like they were both trapped in the image that Kingkamol wanted for them before, Runch as the devoted daughter and Neen fighting back so furiously that it didn’t even leave her the space to think about what kind of wife she wanted to be to Runch, and now they both have the freedom to be what they want to each other.

Runch: I thought marriage was about getting people to accept us. But once we lost everything, only then did I realise it has nothing to do with anyone. This time, I don’t want to prove anything to anyone, or explain anything. I just want to ask you, since you’re a woman who’s learned quite a bit about love, will you marry me again?
This time, it’s not to prove anything to anyone. I’m doing it because my heart chooses you. I promise to love you and care about your feelings. I will be faithful. And I promise to stay right by your side through tick and thin. I love you, Neen. You’re the only one I love. Forever.

Neen: I love you too. You’re the only one I love. Forever.

This final episode fulfils the promise of the English title completely. Through these episodes, we’ve watched this relationship being torn apart by a malicious outside influence, where it had to fail in spite of the fact that their feelings for each other never wavered – and now they’ve rebuilt that relationship stronger, getting a second shot at it. In the end, it’s just the two of them – with the addition of a dog – a family of three, starting their relationship the way they always wanted, taking care of each other. 

Random notes:

Kind of loved and giggled a bit at the barista picking up right where she left off, shamelessly flirting with Runch (calling her a phi sao khun suay even!)in spite of still thinking she’s married (and having gotten an impressive display of Neen’s jealousy previously), just shooting her shot and who can blame her, respect the hustle.

I like that there are no other characters for the entirety of the reunion arc: it’s just Runch and Neen, finding each other again, rebuilding without any outside influences. 

Posted without further comment: “More than kissing is okay”, “Take the glasses off first, they’re in the way”, “I’m the best dessert”. Thank you, P’Jaew.